I went to Pier 16 on the South of Manhattan island last night. People were dancing tango on the deck, and the beauty of it all was so forbidding because I am no where near a good dancer. So I stood there with my dancing shoes over my shoulder, watching the amorous bond that was on the faces of a number of couples (definitely not all of them; some get all mechanical about it). My eyes locked with a couple of girls who i could only speculate how happy they would make me in a fantasy world. One of them had her hair tied up in two little piggy buns like Amelie's Audery Toutou, but she had a more Eastern European face than a French/Mediterranean one. I felt defeated leaving the deck, not having danced at all. Three weeks to go on US soil, and then i have to restart my counter, yet again. should i take a few classes before i go, or should i avoid my legacy of terminating lessons once they start?
I try to focus on the here and now, but i always find myself living in the future, rendering my life rather diluted, and i am dreaming of the intensity that would fulfill and inspire me. If you're on netflix, there is a movie (instant play) called A Relationship in Four Days. I liked it. I wish it would happen to me, though i hope i'm not that prick of a guy. Another thought, i wish to film a movie like that. Somehow i feel i don't have the resources or connections; it's becoming very hard to do anything creative outside this laptop here without knowing more people, who to talk to and how to get things for cheap. But somehow it's also the procrastination in me.
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Sometimes I find that I also live for the future too much. I'm like a construction worker paving the road to it, it is constantly in my mind, I slave for it, this big "FUTURE". Too bad the future doesn't exsist! The only thing I've ever really experienced is NOW. The past as well as the future are like mirages, like dreams. A little echo in my mind reminds me that the truest living is when you are in your dreams, awake....Thanks for sharing this blog Amr, now go dance on that pier!!
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